"I can't complain but sometimes I still do." - Joe Walsh *
This post is clearly in the category of complaining about something trivial. I think it says something important about my life with a chronic disease, but the highly kvetching-sensitive might want to skip this one.
I had a Twitter exchange with my friend Mike this evening which started when he mentioned having finished his pill sorting for the week. I replied that the weekly pill session is what I might find most irritating about diabetes and its cronies -- not the worst or most worrisome by any stretch, but the most irritating. (OK, office goodie pushers are worse. But still.) Mike responded with the perfectly sensible attitude that he finds it annoying, but that taking all the meds beats the alternative. My feelings about the pill session are stronger than that.
It's long been apparent to me that my mind often settles on something insignificant as a sort of psychological focus for something I feel uncomfortable about. On the rare occasions that I hold a grudge against someone, I'll find myself deeply annoyed by their voice, say, or a hairstyle. My pills are a Good Thing, since I believe I benefit from them, and the sorters are also a Good Thing. (Since I only have to think about my meds once a week, my regularity in taking them is VASTLY improved.) But I think that few minutes once a week carries part of the emotional weight of diabetes. I don't just sit down to sort pills, I sit down to my resentment over needing the pills, annoyance at the cost of the pills, anger that there isn't a cure, and fears about the future.
("Look, Mommy, this blogger is being a weenie again!" "Yes, sweetie, he is, but at least he's almost done for today.")
Man, since they bear all that weight, it's good that the sorters are built of such sturdy plastic!
* Walsh, Joe. "Life's Been Good To Me So Far" But Seriously, Folks... New York: Asylum Records, 1978.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
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hey its LaMerenguera from Twitter :) yeah the one that's scared of bandaids :/
ReplyDeleteanyway I think I kind of know what you mean...I feel similar when it comes to insulin. I have never really minded shots at all. even as a kid immunizations were no biggie really. giving them myself no biggie either...
but every once in a while I wake up in the morning not wanting to take my shot. not because it hurts. not because I'm scared. just because I am mad that I have to do it, that I have no choice, and that my life literally depends on it. it's kinda like every once in a while reality just hits me I guess.
sorry this was a long comment :) I just didnt know how to word it in less words
ha. i feel completely the opposite. first of all, I sort 3 weeks at a time (usually) which makes it less of a burden. but of all the things I do for my health (exercise, diet, injections, etc etc) sorting pills in the activity that is the most claiming and has the most immediate result. when i'm done putting everything in its place, EVERYTHING IS IN ITS PLACE, and I can move on. On to all the other things that are more of a pain and harder to quantify/qualify.
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