Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's just my job.

I am a lancing device. My job is to wound.

You probably shouldn't know my name, but I'll tell you anyway: it's Vlad. They tell me I was named after Vlad the Impaler, thought to be the historical inspiration behind the Dracula legend. They tell me that's supposed to be funny -- I wouldn't know. I don't have a sense of humor. In my job, I don't need a sense of humor.

My job, as I said, is to wound. The purpose of the wound is to produce a drop of blood for a glucose test. They tell me I help this guy stay healthy, but I don't care whether he's healthy or not. Either way, the pay's the same.

Most of the time, they tell me, I don't hurt this guy much. Other times, he hurts like blue blazes. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt me. I don't have a conscience. In my job, I don't need a conscience.

It's a living.


  1. This made me chuckle! Nice to meet you, Vlad. I never thought of naming my lancing device until right this second - and now I feel that I must come up with something.

  2. Hahahahaha! Love it! Bob, I really like your sense of humor.

  3. Hilarious, except not. ;) I like it--your post, not Vlad. Although my old BD poker is still kicking, and is super comfy most of the time.

  4. got too many Vlads in our house.

    glad you can approach this with humor

  5. Too funny! I think I'll call mine Attila the Hun. He was bloodthirsty enough, wasn't he?

  6. Great one, Bob. Very clever.

  7. Vlad the Impaler was particularly cruel to me yesterday...not drawing quite enough blood for a sample but giving me pain wherever I pricked. 3 times!

  8. Thanks for the chuckle!


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T Minus Two by Bob Pedersen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.