Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's just my job.

I am a lancing device. My job is to wound.

You probably shouldn't know my name, but I'll tell you anyway: it's Vlad. They tell me I was named after Vlad the Impaler, thought to be the historical inspiration behind the Dracula legend. They tell me that's supposed to be funny -- I wouldn't know. I don't have a sense of humor. In my job, I don't need a sense of humor.

My job, as I said, is to wound. The purpose of the wound is to produce a drop of blood for a glucose test. They tell me I help this guy stay healthy, but I don't care whether he's healthy or not. Either way, the pay's the same.

Most of the time, they tell me, I don't hurt this guy much. Other times, he hurts like blue blazes. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt me. I don't have a conscience. In my job, I don't need a conscience.

It's a living.

8 comments:

  1. This made me chuckle! Nice to meet you, Vlad. I never thought of naming my lancing device until right this second - and now I feel that I must come up with something.

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  2. Hahahahaha! Love it! Bob, I really like your sense of humor.

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  3. Hilarious, except not. ;) I like it--your post, not Vlad. Although my old BD poker is still kicking, and is super comfy most of the time.

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  4. got too many Vlads in our house.

    glad you can approach this with humor

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  5. Too funny! I think I'll call mine Attila the Hun. He was bloodthirsty enough, wasn't he?

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  6. Great one, Bob. Very clever.

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  7. Vlad the Impaler was particularly cruel to me yesterday...not drawing quite enough blood for a sample but giving me pain wherever I pricked. 3 times!

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  8. Thanks for the chuckle!

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T Minus Two by Bob Pedersen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.