If Scrooge Tweeted...

Most people are familiar with the character Ebeneezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens' classic tale "A Christmas Carol". Here's my take on what Scrooge might have written during those fateful hours had he been using Twitter:

December 24th, 4 PM Caught Cratchit sneaking coal into the fire again. He's trying to heat me out of house and home! ha ha!

4:30 PM Another bunch of do-gooders trying to separate me from my money. What are poor houses for, then?

5:30 PM Find myself thinking of my old partner Marley, now dead as a door nail. Now there was a man who knew how to foreclose a widow's loan!

7:30 PM Off to a hopefully quiet dinner. I swear, if I hear "Little Drummer Boy" ONE MORE TIME...

9:30 PM Nasty shock: thought I saw the face on my door knocker turn Marley's! The old buzzard was ugly enough alive! Gotta lay off the mustard at dinner.

10:30 PM I've been visited by Marley's ghost! And he said more ghosts were coming! Long night ahead: may be too tired tomorrow to go steal candy from babies.

December 25th, 12:17 AM Just left by the "Ghost of Christmas Past". Ah, sweet Belle was so lovely. But have you seen her lately? What a hag! LOL

3:23 AM Boy, the "Ghost of Christmas Present" sure could stand to mix a salad in between all those goodies. What a tub!

5:15 AM The "Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come" could SERIOUSLY use some social skills. What a drag THAT guy is!

5:35 AM Exhausted, but having trouble sleeping. Thinking things over: maybe I COULD stand to make some changes...

9:30 AM Could it really still be Christmas morning? Man, I thought I'd spent a MONTH with those ghosts. Where's Scooby-Doo when you need him?

9:40 AM Just sent some little scamp off with money to buy a big goose for the Cratchits. Might as well: been giving those poor folks the bird for years now. That's gonna change now, though.

11:00 AM Off to my nephew's for dinner. I hope I'll be welcome: got a sneaking feeling I don't deserve to be. Gosh, though, I feel good!

4 PM Lovely dinner, lovely people. Feel happier than I have in many years! Merry Christmas to everybody!