Thursday, November 11, 2010

Fake Diabetes Statistics

We read many statistics that are faked or exaggerated. Here, there's no mystery: I'm telling you I made them up.

73.6 -- The number of hours of sleep I lose in a year while putting off loading my pill sorter.
2 -- The number of test strips per container that, once used, escape and try to make it to the border.
0 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year by enraged diabetics.
12,873 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year in the imaginations of enraged diabetics.
6.2 -- the percentage of health information sites on the Internet that are actually run by people genuinely interested in the health of others.
95 -- the percentage of 'finger wipers' who think that 'finger lickers' are a little bit disgusting.
98 -- the percentage of 'finger lickers' who think that 'finger wipers' are a little overly fussy.
1 -- the number of blood tests per lancet encouraged by lancet manufacturers.
17.6 -- the average number of blood tests per lancet by anybody that's been testing for more than a week.
99 -- the percentage of diabetics who've secretly wished a high blood sugar episode on some officious carb pusher.
15,872 -- the number of new diet books published each year.
3 -- the number of new diet books published each year that actually help a significant number of people achieve meaningful and lasting weight loss.
9.8 -- on a scale of 1 to 10, the amount of fun I've had making up these statistics.

Bob Pedersen

12 comments:

  1. Love it! lol

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  2. Bahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE! I'm a finger wiper.... :-P

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  3. Nice work, Bob. This is hilarious! :)

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  4. Love it! The judges say, "I'd give it a 9, but I can't dance to it." (I just made that up, too.)

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  5. The new diet books number made me crack up. Very good, very fun read.

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  6. Love it!

    BTW we change lancets everytime. Lancets are the cheapest Rx we fill!

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  7. Are you sure you didn't get these backwards?

    0 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year by enraged diabetics.
    12,873 -- The number of members of the "diabetes police" sent to the hospital each year in the imaginations of enraged diabetics.


    HAHAH, great one!

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  8. Hey Bob
    Fantastic post!

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  9. 9.99999 - on a scale of 1 to 10, the amount of fun I've had reading your post!!!

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  10. I love this post Bob. I am always so behind. I suck.

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  11. Is it any wonder that I'm even more behind than George?

    This list made me laugh out loud more than once! :-)

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T Minus Two by Bob Pedersen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.