A Simple Desultory Philippic, or How I was Michael Pollan'd Into Submission

Eat low fat.
Eat low cholesterol.
Eat high fiber.
Eat Omega-3s.
Eat low sodium.
Eat antioxidants.
Don't eat anything that has a face.
Don't eat anything your grandmother wouldn't have recognized as food.
Margarine is better than butter.
Butter is better than margarine.
Olive oil is better than butter or margarine.
No, canola oil is the best.
Eat local.
Eat organic.
Eat sustainably.
Eat with a low carbon footprint.
Only eat foods that are in season in your area.
Stick to complex carbs.
Eat whole grains.
Eat like a caveman.
Eat like a Frenchman.
Eat acai.
Acai is an expensive ruse.
Drink wine.
Part of this complete breakfast.
Read the label.
The USDA in in league with the big food producers.
Eat raw.
Cook with only the freshest ingredients.
Stick to the perimeter of the grocery store.
Avoid red meat.
Avoid the dark part of white meat.
Honey is better for you than table sugar.
No, it isn't.
Don't take vitamins: get your nutrition from food.
Take vitamins to cover your bases.
Eat fatty fish twice a week.
Unless you're young, nursing, or pregnant, in which case don't.

Forget it.  I'm gonna have a frozen burrito.