Sometimes, we have to refocus our goals.
When I started getting fat, Richard Nixon was President and the Watergate was just a nice hotel in Miami. When I started getting fat, a computer took up an entire floor of a building and most people had only seen one in a movie. When I started getting fat, Paul McCartney was just months beyond leaving the Beatles.
I made my first efforts to lose weight in high school, over thirty years ago. (About that time, Apple Computer Company was formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.) More than thirty years of diets, some producing some success but ultimately failing. More than thirty years of firm resolutions interrupting periods of pretending not to care. That's a long, long, time. And now, my metabolism is broken.
Friends, I can't do it. I am unable to lose a significant amount of weight. Depending on what chart you look at, I would need to lose in the neighborhood of 120 pounds to have a normal BMI. It's not going to happen. Through whatever combination of genetic flaw and character flaw, I am unable to make myself slender or anything like it.
And I'm no longer going to try.
Since I can't lose weight, it's time to refocus on smaller changes. Changes that will help me feel better in the short term, hold down my A1c (even lower it a bit), and shave down my risk for various bodily catastrophes. Eat a little better, move a little more. My focus will be on daily choices, not on goals. If these choices lead to some weight loss, that's great. But I refuse to focus on it, and refuse to set objectives. That way be dragons.
This has not been easy to write. I'm deeply saddened to recognize that a (nearly) lifelong goal will never be met. But, there's something else I feel:
I feel free.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
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It's the honesty...being true to yourself or rather, maybe, telling yourself the truth about you is very freeing.
ReplyDeleteHang tough.
Bob I'm right there with you! ((((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteBob,
ReplyDeleteI truly admire the strength and courage you've shown in writing about this. Though I haven't been battling with it as long as you have, the majority of my 25 years have been spent battling with weight issues.
I've never written about exactly how overweight I am, but I'll tell you that I weighed about 340 lbs when I was diagnosed with T2 and CHF in December 2008. I've lost about 40 of those pounds since then, and that has helped, but like you, I'm still 120+ pounds over what I should be. So, you are definitely not alone in this. If you ever want to chat, just give a shout.
Hang in there.
Mike.