Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Temporary Loss of Courage

I've been struggling with symptoms of depression this week. It's still been a lot better than it's been at many times in the past, but it hasn't been much fun. This weekend, I've been experiencing perhaps my most crippling symptom: a surge of fear and anxiety that doesn't seem related to anything at all. But fear and anxiety aren't quite the right way to put it, though I fight with those too: it's more like a sucking loss of confidence, as if someone pulled the drain plug on the courage I need to get through the day.

Yesterday morning, I got up in good time and felt refreshed. I made my grocery list and got ready to go to the store. I was almost ready to go when I was suddenly seized by the feeling that I didn't really want to go, that it would go wrong. Why? I don't know. Although I did end up going to the store, I've been fighting with this feeling all weekend.

I've gotten done what I've absolutely had to, thus far, and a little more. And, I'm catching up with sleep, so I'm hopeful that will help. Also, the weather has turned much better here, so I'm hoping that will help also. Besides, as I've said before, depression is like a head cold: it's nasty right now, but it WILL go away in time.

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T Minus Two by Bob Pedersen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.